Dear Dublin
Wednesday, October 7, 2009 at 11:07AM

I hope you are well.

I’m really sorry to have to tell you over email but it seems to be impossible to find the right moment to say it to you. I have been thinking a lot about it and I keep coming to the same conclusion; it’s best that we go on a break.

It has been a really difficult decision for me to make and I realise that this will come as a shock to you. In fact I can’t quite believe I’m doing it myself. So much feels right between us but I’m just not as sure about ‘us’ as you are. I need some time apart just to slow things down and be on my own for a while. I’m sure you noticed that I have been spending a lot of time away from you recently. Unfortunately it hasn’t been enough for me to work things out.

I really don’t want to think that this is the end for us. Maybe in a couple of weeks or a couple of months I will realise the mistake I am making and appreciate you for all the great things you are and for all the lovely things you have done for me. We have been going out with each other for so long that it feels crazy to be apart but I can’t see any other way at the moment. We have had some great times together and a lot of fun memories. I will always treasure them. You will always be under my skin and I will always look out for you in life. We were so happy together.

I realise that you will take this badly, which is why I could never seem to talk to you about the wedge between us. I should be honest with you in case of any heart-break neurosis. Here are a few things about you that I can’t seem to get beyond at the moment:

1) There always seems to be some sort of cloud hanging over you. Your outlook on life is just a little dull for me.

2) You always seem to have a negative disposition towards things.

3) You are a little too obsessed with making money and buying things. We have our whole lives to make it together, we don’t need to make it all at once.

4) You have a bad habit of chasing your own tail. If you can’t make time for yourself now then how are you going to make time for ‘us’ or for our kids if we were to have some?

5) You are not very well thought out. You have the capacity to be a brilliant thinker but you prefer the sloppy and lazy route.

6) You never seem to know what you want. One minute you want me to buy a house, the next you don’t.. You are just a little too fickle for me.

7) You never seem to want to do anything. There’s a whole world out there but you just seem to want to sit on the couch or sit in the pub.

8) I have no idea what your values are. You are all things to all people, sometimes you seem more Bertie than Bertie himself. I need more sincerity.

9) I’m not sure that you get me. You seem to expect certain things of me but I’m not the same as everyone else nor could I ever pretend to be.

I’m sorry to have made a list, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that but I feel you should know so that if we get back together it’s on the right footing. Of course, I could never forget all the good things about you, you are so pretty and witty at times. We have had some great moments together; cycling in the mountains with each other, swimming in the sea, lying out in parks on sunny days, going to some great gigs, eating all those cakes together and enjoying time with our great friends. Sometimes you are so charming and you make me feel really special. You know I have never loved anyone as much as you but I’m just not sure that what we have together is love. Often I feel that we are just great friends. Love for me is more than that.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware that I have my own faults but I guess that’s the point of going on a break. We have just become too comfortable with each other’s faults that we are failing to challenge each other. You know I need to be challenged and stimulated by you. Maybe time apart will give us both time to focus and work on ourselves.

Again, I’m really sorry to do this to you. It is best that we don’t see each other for a while. You will find someone special again. Perhaps it will be me but I’m just not sure yet.

Please don’t hate me. I’m trying to do what is best for both of us. 

Lots of love always


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