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Wednesday
Oct072009

Dear Dublin

I hope you are well.

I’m really sorry to have to tell you over email but it seems to be impossible to find the right moment to say it to you. I have been thinking a lot about it and I keep coming to the same conclusion; it’s best that we go on a break.

It has been a really difficult decision for me to make and I realise that this will come as a shock to you. In fact I can’t quite believe I’m doing it myself. So much feels right between us but I’m just not as sure about ‘us’ as you are. I need some time apart just to slow things down and be on my own for a while. I’m sure you noticed that I have been spending a lot of time away from you recently. Unfortunately it hasn’t been enough for me to work things out.

I really don’t want to think that this is the end for us. Maybe in a couple of weeks or a couple of months I will realise the mistake I am making and appreciate you for all the great things you are and for all the lovely things you have done for me. We have been going out with each other for so long that it feels crazy to be apart but I can’t see any other way at the moment. We have had some great times together and a lot of fun memories. I will always treasure them. You will always be under my skin and I will always look out for you in life. We were so happy together.

I realise that you will take this badly, which is why I could never seem to talk to you about the wedge between us. I should be honest with you in case of any heart-break neurosis. Here are a few things about you that I can’t seem to get beyond at the moment:

1) There always seems to be some sort of cloud hanging over you. Your outlook on life is just a little dull for me.

2) You always seem to have a negative disposition towards things.

3) You are a little too obsessed with making money and buying things. We have our whole lives to make it together, we don’t need to make it all at once.

4) You have a bad habit of chasing your own tail. If you can’t make time for yourself now then how are you going to make time for ‘us’ or for our kids if we were to have some?

5) You are not very well thought out. You have the capacity to be a brilliant thinker but you prefer the sloppy and lazy route.

6) You never seem to know what you want. One minute you want me to buy a house, the next you don’t.. You are just a little too fickle for me.

7) You never seem to want to do anything. There’s a whole world out there but you just seem to want to sit on the couch or sit in the pub.

8) I have no idea what your values are. You are all things to all people, sometimes you seem more Bertie than Bertie himself. I need more sincerity.

9) I’m not sure that you get me. You seem to expect certain things of me but I’m not the same as everyone else nor could I ever pretend to be.

I’m sorry to have made a list, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that but I feel you should know so that if we get back together it’s on the right footing. Of course, I could never forget all the good things about you, you are so pretty and witty at times. We have had some great moments together; cycling in the mountains with each other, swimming in the sea, lying out in parks on sunny days, going to some great gigs, eating all those cakes together and enjoying time with our great friends. Sometimes you are so charming and you make me feel really special. You know I have never loved anyone as much as you but I’m just not sure that what we have together is love. Often I feel that we are just great friends. Love for me is more than that.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware that I have my own faults but I guess that’s the point of going on a break. We have just become too comfortable with each other’s faults that we are failing to challenge each other. You know I need to be challenged and stimulated by you. Maybe time apart will give us both time to focus and work on ourselves.

Again, I’m really sorry to do this to you. It is best that we don’t see each other for a while. You will find someone special again. Perhaps it will be me but I’m just not sure yet.

Please don’t hate me. I’m trying to do what is best for both of us. 

Lots of love always

Marco

Sunday
Oct042009

Thunderbirds are GO!

I'm so exhausted ... too exhausted to even string two abbrvtd wrds together on sms whatever about on this blog.

Simply, thanks for all the support I have received and thanks to everybody who managed to come out for a fun night on Friday. It was great to see you all. There are some people I would have liked to have gotten a chance to see before I headed off but unfortunately things have been frantic and so I have missed them. I'm always good for a long email so hopefully I'll make up for it as I go round. I should also mention that there was a little technical problem with my mark@thebionicdude.com email address for 36hrs after we moved from the construction site to the lovely virtual turnkey development that I now reside in. I acknowledged all emails I received so if I did not acknowledge your email I'm really sorry but I did not receive it. Such is life without technical support at work to solve all my problems etc. Some emails did flow through but others didn't which proves that limbo still exists no matter what the Catholic Church might say.

Ok, I'm off to catch the plane to London ... I'm so tired I'm just looking forward to crashing ... oops, I meant crashing as in sleeping.  Talk soon.

zzzzZZZZZZZ ....

Tuesday
Sep292009

Just dropping out ... eh, I mean popping out! Back soon

Well hello

I hope this finds you in good form. 

As you may or may not be aware I am planning a little disappearing trick shortly. Work has been very gracious in allowing me time off to indulge in some travels and so I will head away this weekend with my two-wheeled friend for some adventures. The trip is part mountain, part city and part whatever terrain I roll over between the two. Packing my life for several months into some small bags on a bike is not something that I have ever done before but traveling without my bike is not something I have done much of either. My thinking is to start the hard way and if it all gets a little too much then it's always possible to make life an awful lot simpler for myself.  

As I am traveling solo (aside from any looney tunes I may meet along the way) I realised that I would like a focus or some means of keeping myself grounded. With this in mind I have set-up a website to share the experience with family, friends and indeed anyone else who may be interested in my folly, seeing as the www is so public 'n' all.  So, "Tonight Matthew, I am going to be ... The Bionic Dude".  

If you wish to follow my progress (or should that be regress?) then you should keep in touch with thebionicdude.com where I will document my metamorphosis from desk job to nut-job over the course of the next several months. I am not certain what format the blog will take but I am conscious that it needs to be fun for both of us or else it's not worth doing. It will likely not be a daily travelogue (snore) rather a blog of stories, thoughts and moments as they occur. I have RSS on the site for those that use such things and for others I will likely circulate new posts via email ... not sure, we'll work it out as we go along. For those that use Internet Explorer, there may be some small compatibility issues with the site, it might be worth stepping into this dimension by downloading a real browser such as safari.

So, best to check out the site for more information about my little trip and for those that are about Dublin this Friday night, then feel free to swing by the Market Bar on Fade Street for some hello and goodbye drinks. I will likely be there 6.30ish ... the more the merrier. 

It remains for me to say a few words of thanks; firstly to mom 'n' pops who are doing a little too good a job of pretending not to worry about me, to my great friends at Merrill Lynch for allowing me time off work, to my buddy Ross who helped me with all the comms for the trip as well as adding frills to this website and making it look prettier (didn't he do a great job), to Barry, Pilu, Cap'n Santini and Camilla who all helped me get some stuff I needed home, to Dara and Mike who have been very generous with their bike-touring advice, to Tom for allowing me to use his rear reception room as mission control, to my good friend Mia who found my marbles (ironically) and of course, to the great Dude in the sky for providing me with Planet Playground in the first place. Thank you all very much. 

Please stay in touch ... no doubt the more world-wise amongst you will be good for some much needed advice.  

So, it's goodbye from me and 'later' from The Bionic Dude .... mind how you go

Giller and the Dude

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